Brace Face

I admit I haven’t grown up; adult status reached, but not acted upon. I do not want to grow up. I enjoy laughing at silly things such as farts, burps, and bad jokes. That keeps me young.

As teenagers, when a friend or someone in our circle got braces, “brace face” and “metal mouth” became their new nick-name. I endured this form of metal torture, wires, headgear, and all.

Braces forty years ago were much different than they are now. Metal bands were put around each tooth, and each band had two tabs that protruded from the front. These tabs had wire wrapped around them, tying each tooth to the next. Wire ends were sharp, and tucked into the space between the tabs, however sometimes they would work their way out, and poke my cheek, drilling what felt like a mammoth sized hole. Wax, a staple tucked neatly away in my purse or pocket, and never far away, was put over the offending wire until a visit to the orthodontist could be arranged. If the wire wasn’t too far back in my mouth, a flat pencil end could be used to shove it back into place.

Wires and bands were not the only solution to my messy teeth. Small but strong rubber bands were looped over a tooth in the back on the top, skipped several teeth, then looped over a tooth on the bottom, pulling teeth in the direction required. (These tiny rubber bands also made great missiles to shoot at a cute boy across the room!) This made speaking rather difficult, and often lent an accent, previously not in residence, to my speech.

Evidently my teeth were not moving at an acceptable pace, and my beloved orthodontist Dr. Woodford, fit me with the oh so stylish headgear. Soft pliable bands crisscrossed your head and neck, with metal arms reaching out to hook loops in my mouth, pulling my already sore teeth in the opposite direction from the rubber bands! Usually I had to wear the headgear at night, but, if I was not diligent, since it really wasn’t comfortable for sleeping; I had to wear it during the day. Of course the orthodontist had me wear the headgear contraption during the day when I was in school; he couldn’t wait until summer break when I wouldn't be around all the cute boys!

  

Finally, after all the bands, rubber bands, and metal wires were removed, I got to wear a retainer for a year or more. This kept my teeth in place, so they didn’t move back to their old hangout. The retainer was a fitted piece of plastic with, of course, a wire running across my teeth. I was supposed to wear this all the time except when I ate. This became a problem when out with friends for a bite of fast food. I took my retainer out, wrapped it in a napkin and put it on my tray. Meal done, I threw the trash on my tray away, and rode my bike toward a friends house. Half way there, I realized I threw my retainer away. Quick turn-around, head back to dig through the trash cans. If I was lucky, I found it right away, other times, two or three bags of trash later; I'd find the treasure I was seeking, take it home and boil it.

Today, braces are much more user friendly. Tabs are glued onto the front of your teeth, rubber wires join teeth, and can even be color coded for your favorite sports team, high school colors, or to match your prom dress/tux.

I still see rubber bands, however, I have not seen headgear, and I am pretty sure retainers are still in play.

Braces are a young person’s gig. Pain is endured knowing your smile will soon be straight, calling to those of the opposite sex, luring them with a new brilliant smile. There are years, and years ahead of  young brace face teens, years to flash that costly smile.

Now, I am confused by what I am seeing as an odd braces trend. On not so rare occasions, I see older adults with braces. I’m not talking about thirty-something’s, or forty-year-olds, I am seeing mostly women who are sixty-five years old plus, wearing braces. At a time when most of their peers are Efferdent-ing their dentures, these ladies are getting their not so pearly whites straightened.  

I just don’t get it! What purpose does this painful procedure serve? Are these women newly widowed and on the market? The shapes of their mouths change, they make funny faces trying to get their lips over the braces. Their speech patterns have changed, and they often have difficulty eating; “Nothing with seeds please, they get stuck in my braces.” “Nothing too tough to eat, maybe just some soup.”

I want to enjoy my meals when I’m older, I want to enjoy life, not be worried about how I look. Maybe these gals need straight teeth to happily live out the rest of their lives.

Whenever I see an older person with braces, I have to quell my inner teen and not yell out Hey, brace face! I can't call them metal mouth, or steely smile, or any other name that rhymes. It is just not dignified. Perhaps someday, I’ll get enough nerve up to ask  why someone chooses to get braces at seventy.