AT

 

Where is it at?

We don't need to say that!

Before I put on my hat

I must take out the cat.

This doesn't make sense,

but neither does ending

a sentence with at.

Male Adjustment

 

I've got to get ready

to go into my job,

But things aren't all set,

They're just a big blob.

 

Move over to the left,

Move over to the right,

a quick little shake

then things aren't too tight.

 

Hike this side up,

jiggle that side down.

If things aren't just so,

my day starts with a frown.

 

One tug right here,

and one tug left there.

Now everything is perfect

in my clean bright underwear.

 

So I'll wiggle each tight cheek

a smidgen at a time

When all is in its prime locale

the world is so sublime.

You Know You’re Older When

 

You think you're getting older when you see the crows feet there

And when you start to see the gray, throughout your golden hair.

You begin to use the wrinkle cream and try new shades of blonde,

And have a sexy man to play with, naked in a pond.

You ignore the aging process and really don't feel your age,

You drive a racy sports car, you friends say it's a stage.

In your mind you're still a babe, and forget the achy knees,

You wear tight pants and t-shirts, turn deaf to teens' embarrassed pleas.

Pretending all you want is fine until you find a gray strand there,

Not upon your golden head, but down amongst your pubic hair.

ROMANCE BOOKS

 

Romance books,

Boy! What looks,

you get when you

read them in public.

Men think you're horny,

women call you corny,

but secretly read them in bed.

The covers have hunks,

no flab, fat or chunks,

unlike spouses who fart

when they kiss you.

The girls with big busts

pale and pretty, bring lusts,

make readers feel incomplete.

The opposite sexes

demand perfect reflexes,

to those acrobats and all nighters I bow.

The wife, mistress, lover,

can be found under cover,

on tables, in kitchens and gardens.

Love, honor and fighting,

men revel in delighting

those women whose charm

they can conquer.

Ah, those great pages

we read through the stages

of love, romance and great passion.

So carry one with you,

try something new,

for romance books

can lead you to ardor.